Barnes comma Daniel

Hey, everybody. Everybody, hey.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 13:37:18 GMT

I think only the coolest of cats are still hanging around the ol' LiveJournal water hole, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Girls Are Pretty is the best thing on the internet. Really.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:41:59 GMT

Then I went to the UK and it was awesome.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 12:38:03 GMT

See, now if someone's reading through these and isn't paying attention, they'll think, "Hmm, October 20, October 30, October 31... Everything seems to be in order here." But no! They've been pulled one whole year into the future! This first bit might give the whole game away though, so shhh. Now, let's see how I spent the last 365 days. Don't worry if you don't know this stuff already, I've told maybe two people about most of it. And this'll probably be pretty long, so I'll put a nice summary at the start to save you having to read all the boring details. I'll also undoubtedly forget a whole lot, so prepare for further entries, hu-mons!

Failed two core units
Did summer uni (passed)
Two-year anniversary
Failed more things
Got diabetes
Mum left
Started playing Warcraft
New job
Quit McDonald's
Bought a pair of jeans
Car died
New car
Dropped out of uni
Built up DVD collection

Failed two core units

Did summer uni (passed)

Two-year anniversary

Failed more things

Got diabetes

constantly

Finally

negative blood sugar and the universe turns inside-out

super brain powers

Mum left

Started playing Warcraft

(Night Elf Druids FTW!)

Quit McDonald's

New job

Bought a pair of jeans

hothothot

Car died

these

New car

well...

UJT

here

It blows

Dropped out of uni

did

Built up DVDs

huge

out

Happy Hallowe'en, everybody! Claire, you're awesome!

The aristocrats!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 07:19:32 GMT

So ends the 'Great Punchlines of History' series of entry titles. I wanna see that movie. Swearing is hilarious. That really did sound sarcastic, but no! It has Andy Dick in it! Which means...(wait for it...) Dick jokes!

BUT FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT because the next part is so much cooler. Since the first Sunday of April this year, my watch has been an hour fast. The button that is needed to change the time (and turn off the damn alarm. What oh what was it that I needed to do at 7:29pm on the day that the button ->) stopped working at some point during the last daylight saving time, so I've been stuck in the future ever since. But now it is I who has the upper hand! Or...the same hand as everyone else. Anyway, attached to this hand is an accurate watch! Hip hip huzzah! Now watch in amazement as my brain struggles with this minor change and makes me late/early (I haven't worked it out yet) for everything!

That dog isn't very shaggy after all

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 05:31:25 GMT

[... 21st Century]

This means that I can now only buy (or should just stick to buying) DVDs that are rated R or X if I don't want to shudder every time I look at my movie collection. Honestly: big, bright, colourful classification markings are the best way to ruin a good cover and the movie inside. Dishonestly: the whole movie. The new markings talk through the entire damn thing and they took the whole Stuck in the Middle with You scene out of Reservoir Dogs.

Hey MySpacers, look. I came up with the idea of taking a picture of my camera in a mirror almost three years ago.

I must be, the Bahamas are islands

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 15:13:05 GMT

New Propagandhi album! Hotcha!

It's been a while since I've actually written anything here, so here we go. If I fail one of my units (the one that 75% of the people in my course are probably going to fail, according to the unit tests), I'm more than a bit boned. This is the core unit that they're scrapping and replacing next year so when we go to repeat it, it'll be all...not there. That is, replaced with a completely different subject, which means I won't be able to go to just as few lectures as I did this semester but put in a little more effort just before the exam because all the knowledge is already in my head, it's just a bit hazy. I know exactly what I'm talking about, even if you don't. But apart from that and probably Maths (and it's not even real Maths this time. It's all the number theory jive. Apparently very hard to fail), I think I should be fine.

That's pretty much all I have to report. Except that since I bought the Back to the Future trilogy last week, every time I've been driving somewhere I've had the urge to drive alongside another car, reach out of my window and grab onto the back of them and have them just pull me along so I won't have to use so much stupid expensive petrol.

Oh, and I saw this last night and realised that I've seen surprisingly few (three) movies with a head-stomping scene. I suppose this is a good thing. Yeah...it is. It's a good thing. Really, really good.

The record guy at uni (his name is David. If pressed, he would say that his favourite album of all time is Frank Zappa and the Mothers' We're Only in It For the Money. I have his friend's phone number. This is turning into a very creepy parenthesised bit of stuff) is always telling people that if they have any old vinyl they want to get rid of then they should let him know. So I think that I should offload all the impulse and ironic vinyl purchases that I've made onto him and make him lose all respect for me. Unless he's very heavily into Wayne Newton, Glenn Campbell and Huey Lewis & the News, in which case he'll hail me a king an insist on pulling me around on a rickshaw while...you know...feeding me grapes 'n' stuff.

Bah! That's one more thing! If you have Foxtel, watch the Comedy Channel for about half an hour and you'll notice (or maybe not, but I do) that whoever is in charge of their advertisements has no idea what they're doing when it comes to punctuation or grammar. I mean, it's all well and good for me to take a stab at how I'm supposed to structure a sentence because I'm the only one that'll ever read this and I'll have some idea of what I was going for, but these people are broadcasting these things to millions of people and so I hope it's only a matter of time before there's a good ol' fashioned lynching by a mob of people sick of hearing all about what's on "Sunday's at 7" and...ok, yeah. It's really only plurals and possessives that they have trouble with. But still, that's primary school stuff. Freakin' idiot's. (I had to put that in somewhere.)

And now some lyrics, because I don't remember the last time I put some in here. And I love this song. Ladies and gentlemen, Atom and His Package...

I like sports
So some things I force myself to miss
Like I never met an athlete I like in hockey in Texas
When it comes to Native American nicknamed teams
Even within the context of sports it's awful and mean

And you'll go "Wah wah wah, you're so PC"
And I will say "Hey wait"
My my my, how have the tables turned so that being a fucking prick is a desirable trait, huh?
While we're on the subject of changing team names
There's no jazz in Utah and few lakes in LA
Just this once give me the benefit of the doubt
The Bullets became the Wizards to pilots get out
And you'll go "Wah wah wah, you're so PC"
And I will say "Hey wait"
Remind me again how it came to be that being a stupid American is a desirable trait

Wouldn't that be offensive if we cheered
"Rah rah rah" for the Carolina Negroes with a beat box cheer and a big foam afro
The Minnesota Vikings became the New York Kikes with dollar bills on their helmets
'Cause thats what they're like ya know

"Atom, what about the Saints, Angels, Padres?
You ain't got the same thing for Christians that's offending you"
When there's a Jesus Christ mascot dog shooting crucifixes
They nailed to a cross dying to save the team
You'll be right, you'll be right
But until then, you're not right
So what's your take on Washington Redskins?
What's your take on the Cleveland Indians?
What's your take on Washington Redskins?
What's your take on the Cleveland Indians?

That one was called 'If You Own the Washington Redskins You're a Cock'...

Forgot my pencil

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 05:21:19 GMT

So begins the 'Great Punchlines of History' series of entry titles.

If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal Daniel is awesome - for further awesome, consult this.

But now I have to go because I just drank milk that went off six days ago.

He literally ripped his head off!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 12:13:14 GMT

I realised that I haven't been on here to give a Fantômas review yet, so here we are. It was...

Good.

I had a long list of other, much more impresssive adjectives, but you know how frücking awesome Fantômas would be live, so I don't think I'll share it. Anyway, somebody else already reviewed it, so there you go. Bad news: my bootleg recording was worse than expected (and I was expecting bad). I mean, it's really, really bad. Just awful. You can usually make out which song is which, if you really know your Fantômas. I guess... Copies available through me. Next time I think I'll spring for a microphone for my iPod and not keep it in my pants pocket. Then I'll kick the ass of that DJ jerk.

Ooh, and I got a shirt and a CD.

But! I don't know why 'but', but... Play. Play.

Lookin' at a thing in a bag

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Mon, 05 Sep 2005 15:24:40 GMT

Bah! [music|They Might Be Giants - Why Does the Sun Shine? (The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas) (live)]

This entry is dedicated to the Sun. Seriously, how freaking cool is the Sun? Listen to this song eight times in a row and tell me that the Sun sucks. Scientists have found that the Sun is a huge atom-smashing machine, so don't fuck with it. Okay? Okay.

And then oh my god! The Presidents are coming to Australia! I doubt I'll go, but that's still pretty awesome.

Totally haircut

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 30 Aug 2005 04:19:07 GMT

Yep, it's that time of year. One two three
|Beef or|
|Aft rrr|

To spruce up those pictures for such a special occasion¹, I've made them Fantômas-themed. That's me with my ticket in the first one. Yeah. Jealous? Jealous. Then I got a haircut and POW! Picture #2! I told the guy that I didn't want to have to do anything to it for me to look presentable, but then he begged me (begged me. Not really. He asked nicely) if he could style it so I let him. Only because he said I had wicked hair though. Most people say beautiful, but ok, I'll accept wicked.

TIOBCS has made the big move to Flash. So it won't look quite as dodgy now. Plus now I'll be able to animate it if I ever get really bored (and that happens a lot, so (y) <-That's a 'thumbs up' on MSN).

Oh yeah, one more thing. Do you think that because so many people on the planet get acne at some point, someone has woken up one morning, looked at themselves in a mirror and seen that 'BADASS' has been spelled out in pimples across their forehead? I mean, the chances are slim, but there is a chance that that's happened. I'm saying that across billions and billions of foreheads (or just faces, or wherever) over the course of history, a random configuration of blemishes that appear to spell out an awesome word must have happened to somebody. Right? Right. I'm right.

¹ Note to self: This is how you spell 'occasion'.

When I was a boy, blowing up the Moon was just a beautiful dream

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 09:47:19 GMT

Babadababadababadababadasurprises! But those weren't the best things, oh no! (Well, they were. They really were. But I'm going somewhere with this, hang on.) That box of glory also came with air! Pure, delicious air, possibly straight from the possible lungs of possible Americans. That means that it's probably passed through a celebrity at some point. Ah ha! It's from New Jersey! It's Kevin Smith and Ice-T's personal air! And someone named Zebulon Montgomery Pike is also from New Jersey...
Zebulon Zebulon bo Bebulon,
Banana fanna fo Febulon,
Fee fy mo Mebulon,
Zebulon!

Wow. I searched for 'glorybox' on that Google Image Search flimflam¹ and the fifth thing it brought back was a picture of Hitler.

¹ Not actually a flimflam².

² 'Flimflam' is probably the best word there is. I think I've already mentioned this.

Tim Allen is not very funny.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sun, 14 Aug 2005 10:45:31 GMT

...ace Corps? The song is 'Who Needs the Peace Corps?'. Damn restrictive text boxes. BUT FIRST THE POINT OF THE ENTRY:

|OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS FREAK FINGER|

So that was probably the most exciting thing about this past week. Bah! What the hell am I talking about? There was a Leslie Nielsenathon! Sort of. But it was better than a nowhere-near-a-Leslie Nielsenathon. I don't know what's going on. ->I think my phone's tapped.

For free Internet pornography, go here: Here.

Why don't you get your clams and whammys and get the hell out of here?

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 06:28:16 GMT

Tomorrow's awesome schedule (a.k.a. 'tomorrow's schedule of awesomeness'):
- Get Fantômas ticket
- See Land of the Dead
- Watch Hook when I get home
- Wizz Fizz is awesome

See, here's this thing about my Maths lecturer, right? Although he looks like Rip Torn, that's about as far as his coolness goes, right? I mean, I know that he's a doctor of Maths and all, but his lecturing skills need a bit of a polish, ok? ...

...

...

Those big gaps in his teachin'/talkin' where he collects his thoughts or writes a quick sonnet in his head make it really hard to focus on what's going on, right? Then again, he does look like Rip Torn, ok? And that's pretty cool, right?

Arrested Development: Season One
BASEketball
Basketball Diaries, The
Batman - The Movie (the Adam West one)
Batman
Batman Returns
Beetlejuice
Being John Malkovich
Big Fish
Big Lebowski, The
Bowfinger
Bride of the Monster
Cable Guy, The
Cannibal! The Musical
Clockwork Orange, A
Complete Black Books, The
Detroit Rock City
Dogma
Dumb and Dumber
Ed Wood
Edward Scissorhands
Evil Dead II - Dead By Dawn
Army of Darkness
Family Guy - Season One
Family Guy - Season Two
Family Guy - Season Three
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Fierce Creatures
Fight Club
Forrest Gump
Ghost World
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II
Gladiator
Glen or Glenda
GoodFellas
Gwar: Phallus in Wonderland
Hook
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Jerk, The
Kill Bill: Volume 1
Kill Bill: Volume 2
Mallrats
Man on the Moon
Mars Attacks!
Matrix, The
Incompleat Shaun Micallef, The
Micallef P(r)ogram(me): Series Deux, The
Mystery Men
Naked Gun, The
Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell Of Fear, The
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult, The
Napoleon Dynamite
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Night of the Ghouls
Nightmare Before Christmas, The
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Office Space
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Planes, Trains And Automobiles
Primus: Hallucino Genetics - Live 2004
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs
Se7en
Shawshank Redemption, The
Silence of the Lambs, The
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Spider-Man
strongbad_email.exe - the first hundred strong bad emails
Taxi Driver
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
This Is Spinal Tap
Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story
12 Monkeys
Usual Suspects, The
Wayne's World
Wedding Singer, The
Weekend at Bernie's
Wrongfully Accused

If you're one of those people that likes to psychoanalyse people by looking at their DVD collection (like me), there you go. And telling me that I like Tim Burton probably won't impress me too much. And Too Legit was $8 and it rules, so you shut the hell up.

Meatbulbs!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 02 Aug 2005 12:11:02 GMT

That's so awesome.

I'm thinking of calling off Operation: Um...Butterscotch*. It turns out that it just makes my car look really messy and disgusting. Apparently I also decided to leave receipts and empty bottles down there with all the other stuff. Not the best idea. My Melway is sticky. (Secret) gross.

And HA! Get this song. Love this song. I want this song inside me.

* This is the one where I was going to collect all the advertisements and leaflets that are handed to me at uni and use them to fill up the passenger side of my car so that you have to struggle to get your legs through the mass of rave ads and Hare Krishna literature to be able to touch the floor.

Pasghetti

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 06:48:58 GMT

Bah, I just got a voice message thing on my phone from some kid that said "Dad, I'm at home. Ring me." Claire, is there something you'd like to tell me? And how the hell did my daughter/pre-pubescent son get my phone number? Hm? Hmmm?

Also on the fascinating subject of my phone: there's a reminder on there that needs some 'splainin'. Does "066e both handles" mean anything to anyone? Apparently it was important enough for me to give it its own reminder in there, so...I dunno. Maybe a small town of people has been wiped out because I forgot to 066e both handles. Or maybe I caused a rip in the space-time continuum because I only 033ed one handle. Oh God! Sorry, folks. My bad.

I also think that's it's probably about time for a haircut. I'm getting paranoid that a customer is going to yell at me for leaving long, beautiful hairs in their food, but so far they've just taken one for the team and left me alone. I eat people.

Weathermen have become, for the most part, obsolete!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 12:47:44 GMT

Enter: the David Cross phase. Rory gave me eight hours of his stand-up stuff (David Cross', not Rory's) so I'm going to cash in the IOU I got for my birthday (because I didn't know what I wanted, not because my parents are poor because of their uncontrollable crack addiction) and order the complete series of Mr. Show with Bob and David. Sure, I've never seen a single thing from it but hey, it's not my money, right? Bahahaha! And because I believe there was a casual mention of "a couple hundred wing-wangs", I'll also throw this, this and this onto the order as well. This is the special 'to hell with you, Australia. Why can't you ever release anything good?' combo. I'm guessing that once I get a steady supply of disposable cash again (I [actually, Claire] figured I should start saving for a car for weekend-only driving [and hopefully one that works]. Ooh, that reminds me. ... There we go. That's $7.50 more in the box.) um...where was I? Ah yes. ...cash again, I'll start ordering a whole lot more from the US. Maybe a few more lava lamps. I just got a cool image in my head of about thirty-five of them all around my room. Then when I walk in, I'd trip over and land on a patch of them and there'd be wax and this weird water all over the floor and it'd get in all the cuts I'd get from the shards of hot glass that'll be everywhere.

And hey, I almost failed my first uni subject today. Already. This is week...two of the semester. There was a compulsory English literacy test in one of the lectures today, which I completely forgot about. I'd meant to write it down but I forgot to do that, too. Woo. This was one of those hurdle things that you're only supposed to have one chance to do so I figured that I was right screwed when I was informed that I'd missed it a couple minutes after it finished. But. I e-mailed the guy and I'm going to do it tomorrow. But I know that he's just going to laugh at me and throw things at me for being such an idiot. But come on, the lecture was at ten in the morning. I mean really, don't be ridiculous. I've discovered the awesome power of the online lecture notes and lecture recordings, thankyouverymuch. Yep. I'm never getting up. Ever. (Whoa. Check out the formatting on that.)

Babies don't cost money, they make money.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Wed, 20 Jul 2005 14:44:22 GMT

I figured that I should get back into this while listening to a kickass song so that you all know that I still have impeccable taste in music. I think I made the right choice with this one. You can never go wrong with songs that have been in Ghostbusters movies. No! I want to change my music to this! The Aquabats! - Fashion Zombies! You can never go wrong with a band that end all their song titles with exclamation marks. Ahhhh damnit. Too late. If only I could turn back the clock and change the thing. Something. Happy The 21^st! Wow, I'm good at timing these things. A month since the last one. That was a prediction of my exam results. Bam here are the real ones!:

Computer Programming: Wayhey, perhaps another pass, methinks. 73! Distinction!
Digital Logic: Is it too soon to whisper Oscar? Or at least a pass? 62! Credit!
Introduction to Software Engineering: I'm not feeling too down about how I did (which was not well). 75! Distinction!
Mathematics for Computer Science 1: Sure, I didn't actually answer enough questions all up to pass the thing, but...um...I got to leave early. 50! Pass!

Gasps of shock and awe all 'round. Yahoo for scaling! Without which, I'm sure I'd be dead and buried. I'm not sure why. Probably a road-crossing accident. (I'm betting that's how I'll go out. Nice and classy-like.)

But that's all in the past, man. Time to live in the now. My timetable is rockin' out like no other timmytable ever has. Peep this, hepcat:
Monday: Ok, Monday isn't the best example. Two lectures taking up three hours of my morning, starting from nine. Then a three-hour freaking stupid break before a tutorial.
Tuesday: Off. So very, very off. Whoa, something in here smells off. Oh, why that would be Tuesdays for me. Jesus, open a window. Ok. And be sure to watch for me in the current arc over at The Importance of Being Charlie Sheen (That was Jesus talking at the end there. I'm not sure if I made that clear enough.)
Wednesdays:
Look, I won't do the rest of the week. I was just showing off how awesome my Tuesdays are. I mean come on, there's just nothing there. I can do whatever I want. I can go and hang around in the McDonald's carpark in Rosebud like the rest of those princes-among-men. The world is my oyster and I plan to shuck it, cover it with tobasco and slurp it down my cake-hole, all within an El Sobrante Fortnight. (I like to say that whenever I get the chance. That's the great thing about this Internet. I can give myself the chance whenever I want.)

There was going to be more here but I think I'll just do a sequel tomorrow because I'm tired. Hey hey! Tomorrow'll be the first time I don't go to a lecture this semester! High five! (Seriously, why the hell would they assume that university students are going to get up in time to get to Clayton by eight o'clock in the Mothrafucking morning?) Down low!

Popular!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 11:43:37 GMT

Oh yeah, I forgot the whole point of the last thing, which I never got to or brought up in the first place. My exams. They're all done with now. As of last Friday I think it was, I'm done with uni for a month or so. Let's break - it - down, shall we?
Introduction to Software Engineering: Apparently everyone that's ever done this unit hates the subject and didn't do well on the exam. So I'm not feeling too down about how I did (which was not well).
Maths: Oooohhohohohoohhh my. Yeah, not well here either. But I did all the questions in one section and I think I got them all right, too. I didn't do much in the rest of the exam, but that one section got me feeling very proud of myself. Sure, I didn't actually answer enough questions all up to pass the thing, but...um...I got to leave early.
Digital Logic: Hey hey, things that I could actually do. I answered pretty much everything here, and most of that was probably right. Is it too soon to whisper Oscar? Or at least a pass?
Computer Programming: Wayhey, perhaps another pass, methinks. If I were in charge of Monash, or a demon god, or whatever, I'd have made this one not quite as long. I think this was the only one where I had to stay until the end because there was all this work that had to be done. And even then I barely scratched the last couple of questions, which worked out well because they were on the things that I had no idea about. Sorting? Shwhhaaaat?? Yeah. Pass! Probably!

BFF carved in a tree; that stands for BAOW! FOM! FROOSH!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 06:00:47 GMT

I didn't get enough sleep last night, so now I have that taste in my mouth. That 'not enough sleep/too much candy' taste. Maybe only I get it. Maybe that's my super power. I have the amazing ability to detect when I didn't sleep enough and/or ate too many Skittles.

Meme the first: Put your MP3s in alphabetical order by song and note the first track for each letter. Bonus points for including symbols and each number (0-9). And, you know, deal with songs beginning with "The " how you want. Do you get points for these things? I only do these every thousand years, how should I know?
() by Mr. Bungle
04/01/05 Friday by Fantômas
1, 2, 3 Slam by Guttermouth
2 Guys and a Girl theme
The 3 by Secret Chiefs 3
The 4 (Creat Ishraqi Sun) by Secret Chiefs 3
5 O'Clock World by The Vogues
Hey, I don't have one for 6. I'll have to do something about this...
Six Pack by Black Flag
7 O'Clock News/Silent Night by Simon & Garfunkel
8 Full Hours of Sleep by Against Me!
9 Years Later by Born Against
A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash
B & T by Spiderbait
C is for Cookie by the Muppets
D'Yer Mak'Er by Led Zeppelin
E-bow the Letter by REM
F'ed Up Girl by the Vandals
G.S.T. (Go Shoplifting Today) by Loners With Boners
H. by Tool
I Against I by Bad Brains
Jabalqa by Secret Chiefs 3
K-K-K-Katy by Billy Murray
L'Absent by Kaada & Mike Patton
But if I know my French (and I don't), that "L'" is a "The". So I'll take another crack at it.
L.A. Girl by the Distillers
Ma Meeshka Mow Skwoz by Mr. Bungle
N.W.O. by Ministry
Obstacle 1 by Interpol
P.L.U.C.K. by System of a Down
Quahog Holiday by Family Guy
R.A.M.O.N.E.S. by the Ramones
S.R. by Reel Big Fish
T-Bag theme
U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer
Valerie by Steve Winwood
Wacky Races theme
X by System of a Down
Y.M.C.A. by Village People
Zebra by John Butler Trio

Ooh and it's a tiiiiiiiiiiie. Three to the themes, three to Secret Chiefs 3. Alright then, Secret Chiefs 3, you think you're so good? That's right...you are. But we need a winner here. Let's have a look at your contribution to the whole collection. Let's see...eighteen Secret Chiefs 3 songs, FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOUR THEMES. BAMFREAKINBAM.

Meme the second: List your current six favourite songs, then pick six other people that have to do the same. (Tagged by Esther). Well, since I'm awful at picking favourites, I'll take the easy way out and consult my Scrob.
1) 13th Floor Elevators - You're Gonna Miss Me
2) The Dillinger Escape Plan with Mike Patton - Pig Latin
3) Raffi - Banana Phone
4) Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
5) They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse In Your Soul
6) Against Me! - Walking is Still Honest

And I would like to following people to do this as well:
1) Gandhi (I think I'm one of three people on this planet blessed with the powers of being able to spell his name correctly)
2) Tobey Maguire
3) Neil Diamond
4) Robert Smith of the Cure
5) sporkpenguin Again! (I mean you have to do it again, not that you've already appeared on this list...just to clarify...)
6) Adam West. Mmm, Adam West.

Meme the third: Let's do a movie quotes thing!

1) There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
2) You do not talk about Fight Club.
3) You know, we always called each other goodfellas. Like, you'd say to somebody: "You're gonna like this guy; he's all right. He's a goodfella. He's one of us." You understand? We were goodfellas, wiseguys.
4) I remember being knocked out by their, their exuberance, their raw power - and their punctuality. That band was Britain's now-legendary Spinal Tap. Seventeen years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap is still going strong, and they've earned a distinguished place in rock history as one of England's loudest bands.
5) What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
6) My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.
7) I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.
8) Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something.
9) My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.
10) If we can somehow... *harness* this lightning... *channel* it... into the flux capacitor... it just might work. Next Saturday night, we're sending you back to the future!

Oh man I'm bad at this.

Meme the fourth: Um...humm... Ok, I think there was one where you had to get the book closest to you and write the...I dunno...6^th sentence on the 23^rd page. Ok, Internet!

"Take it to the shooting range which is conveniently located inside the shop!" - Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas user guide.

Mmm, fantastic.

Now...I don't know. I'll have to make one up.

Meme the fifth: Spin around in your fancy chair and list absolutely everyfreakingthing that you see.

Monitor, webcam, keyboard, mousepad, mouse, apology from Games Warehouse about the delayed mousepad, water bottle, lava lamp, speaker, Jack Skellington, record cleaner, aloe vera gel, GTA: SA box, GTA: SA user guide, iPod cable, iPod earphones, iPod, uni diary, small mirror, Blu-Tack, stereo, 3.5mm cable running from stereo to computer, other speaker, THUG box, THUG2 box, bottle of vodka, wireless NIC box, pile of games, records (Neil Diamond's Hot August Night on top), calculator, pile of school books, pencil case, pay slips, bank statements, Holland's jumper, Superman cape, free uni MSA bag, flashlight/radio, box (once full of candy), more school books, big stupid C Programming book, orange boots, school bag, Dr. Pepper bottles, water for Sea-Monkeys, books, more books, dinosaur paper weight, picture of Claire, Pez dispeners, stuffed dog, two medals, trophy, various assorted toys, more books, a shelf full of crap, bin (containing empty Pringles can), Astor calendar poster, bedside table, another iPod cable, pile of crap, stereo remote, Fear and Loathing poster, bed (with pillows, etc.), Futurama poster, Shaun of the Dead poster, DVDs, homemade knife, glue, GTA: SA map, various other things on the wall, broken video tape (with a Hunter Thompson biography on it), highlighter, envelope from Monash, computer, speaker, subwoofer, monitor (again).

THAT WAS THE BEST THING THAT I'VE EVER DONE.

Ok, that's enough. One every two hundred years sounds good to me.

Note: Mimi was the name of the cat we had in Canada. If I could find it, I would show you all the picture of her I drew when I was littler, entitled 'Meme' (the picture was entitled 'Meme', not me).

The girl with colitis goes by...

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sun, 05 Jun 2005 06:11:35 GMT

I don't know if this works on all phones, but when I type in * # 0 6 # on mine, my phone's serial number (352958002450750) shows up. Upside down on a calculator, this is OSLOSh ZOOBS 6ZSE. So now I need some help. Does anyone know what an OSLOSh, a ZOOB or a 6ZSE is? All I've found out so far is that 6ZSE helps make up Russell Crowe's monobrow on this mass of creepiness. Or maybe it's six ZOOBS packaged and released as a special edition.

No sax before a fight.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Tue, 24 May 2005 11:43:40 GMT

This is a photo of my dog lying on my bedroom floor with a heater for a head.

This is me wearing all of the pirate hats that were within arm's reach (only three).

This is me demonstrating that it's probably time for another hair cut.

This is a still from the upcoming Johnny Cash biopic , starring me as Johnny Cash.

Check it out. Simpsons comic #1.

A closeup of how awesome I am with how awesome Simon Pegg is in the background.

And now we play the waiting game... (Damnit, that's a whoopee cushion sitting on my chair. Stupid camera.)

This is me wearing the Bill Gates mask that I made a few years ago. It still seems to work very well.

This is me wishing that Frank Zappa would be with me for just one day. Just one day...

It's like...someone badass being seen through something badass (it's a necklace of a cobra that says 'Full Action').

disgusting child

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sat, 21 May 2005 03:00:53 GMT

Hi there. I'm back at Claire's. I'm the best...around!

We went and saw that new Star Wars talkie last night. The lightsabers and all were pretty cool, but remember when I said that Claire and I should stick to seeing unpopular movies? Well this was Star Wars. On a Friday night. The day after it opened. I'm never going to have fifteen year-olds, that's all I'm saying. When my kids reach fifteen, I'm freezing myself for a year or two until they get past the 'being a jerk' phase. There was a group of them a few rows behind us who wouldn't shut the freak up and blargh I just wanted to turn around and pelt them with snowballs. But I'm not good at the anger thing so I just left a jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." on each of their porches.*

And I agree with Scorpio, you should go here. Of all the things that we've come up with while staying up until five or six, drinking case after case of Pepsi, it's in the top five. Lighting his road on fire to make it look like the De Lorean has driven past is and will always be number one.

* 100% stolen from Jack Handey.

Oh my god! There's a bear in my oatmeal!

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Thu, 12 May 2005 13:36:22 GMT

Holy mackerel, will you look at the breadth of this band? The best part: I'm downloading this at the moment. Thirteen hours to go! Eee!

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Sun, 08 May 2005 10:40:13 GMT

I was on Claire's computer for the last couple of days so I was pretty much limited to listening to this song. Awesome!

Colin Farrell, Sarah O'Hare, Brooke Shields, Wesley Willis, Corey Hart, Lea Thompson, Chris Elliott, Tom Berenger, Joe Namath, Clint Eastwood, Prince Rainier of Monaco, Denholm Elliott, Pope Pius XI, Me. Those are the ones that caught my eye, anyway. And this guy called Johnny PayCheck but I don't really listen to country music so I don't know who he is. But the best is RIGHT HERE. Woo! And now, some people who died on my birthday: Timothy Leary, Walther Funk, Gorch Fock. Alright, those last two are just there because they had cool names. Hmm, did anyone know that Timothy Leary was Hot Dog Gawker 2 and himself in the hit video game of 2000, Duelin' Firemen!? That was some good thinking on his part. When I come back from the dead to haunt the world of the living, I'm definitely going find some time to record a voice for a game about firemen. In between the stalking and spying, of course.

|Seriously. Whoa.|

I'm going to make all the titles for these things Steven Wright lines from now on. Here's a preview of tomorrow's: OK, so what's the speed of dark? It'll be in a bigger font tomorrow. Actually, I'll have forgotten by tomorrow. And I won't update anyway so it really doesn't matter. I'm thirsty. Did you know that some people actually buy water? I have once, but that was only to put in my Sea-Monkey's tank. I felt that I owed it to them since the water I put them in to begin with was filthy and could barely sustain life. Which reminds me, they haven't eaten since about Thursday. I'm a bad god.

Thank you Mario, but our stupid princess is in another damn castle.

daniel.h.barnes@gmail.com — Thu, 05 May 2005 14:49:17 GMT

That's right, as the title in no way suggests, I'll be getting myself a big slice o' the ol' broadband pie pretty soon. What the hell is a broadband pie, you ask? Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see, because I have no freaking idea either. I'm sorry, I'm just sore because there are a couple hundred bastards out there who bought all of JB's copies of season three of Family Guy before I could get one. Also, tomorrow's my go-all-the-way-to-uni-for-two-horribly-boring-but-sort-of-important-lectures day. But then I'll reward myself afterwards by watching 7.35 hours of back-to-back Family Guy. That's if you bastards have decided to stop buying all of my DVDs.

So what will broadband for me mean for you? Probably a lot more pictures of my Sea-Monkeys. And whatever else I decide to put on display in my room. I'm thinking that I'll put that picture of Michelangelo I painted when I was about three back up. That was pretty cool. And I have a few Batman Returns, Aladdin and Dick Tracy trading cards that I could stick somewhere. Oh snap, I just remembered that I have an Optimus Prime trading card somewhere that'd fit nicely absolutely anywhere. And of course all the Dikembe Mutombo basketball card doubles that my brother gave to me. Dikembe, a three-time BLK leader, leads an interesting off-court life. He and wife Rose are raising four of his nieces and nephews, whom they have adopted from Zaire. Two have distinct American names: Nanvy and Reagan. Wow, I've gotta remember to quote from the back of basketball cards more often. Those things are goldmines for interesting reading.

It's looking like the tenth of this month (which I'm pretty sure is May. It would have been a lot simpler if I'd just said May. The 10th of May. May 10th. Idiot.) is when my smart, sexy and sassy new broadband is going to be hooked up. Three weeks later, BAM, my birthday. What a time to be alive. What a time to be Alice. What a time to be a louse. What a time to be a blouse. House, mouse, moose, booze, ooze, TMNT II. "'Manananana,' said Ty, sinking yet another ball. 'Manananana...'" Sorry, I got into a serious thing there. Umm... Maybe I'll set up a webcam so that people can watch me sit here and play with the hydraulic thing on my chair. Psssshhhhhhhhhh... ...Sssshhhhhhhhhp. Twenty-four hours a day. Imagine it, people. Yeahhh, you like that, don't you? I'm wireless, did I mention that? We've got the wireless router and the wireless NICs all hooked up; it's very futuristic. One of these days, I'm going to learn where I'm actually supposed to put thos semicolons. Commas, too. I'm still pretty much guessing with these commas. Here you go, Daniel. Thanks. Hmm. I wonder what Whistler's momma's looking at there... Only using one hand I see...

Whooaaaa. That's far from cool. Oh oh oh ohhhhhh. Make sure I show you all my collection of Dr. Pepper bottles as well. And the New Kids on the Block comic that I got a while ago. Wow, I've wasted a lot of money in my life. Like on most of the records in my collection. The Can't Stop the Music soundtrack? What I wouldn't give to get that fifty cents back... Now that New Kids on the Block comics, that was a good purchase. I was a crafty consumer that day. Thirty comics for fifteen dollars, wow!

Anyway, I'd best be off. Uni in the morning and all. I've had a wonderful time tonight. \m/ (Put that on its side and up to my head and pretend I'm mouthing "I'll call you".) *kiss*